Monday, August 25, 2008

Its Not YOU Its ME

Classic saying......non traditional meaning. This saying for me is a cop-out....although I do confess to using its logic. I purposely do not share that which is wrong with me. My excuse, I believe in positive reinforcement lol not concentrating on the negative of the past. I can express what it is I feel but not why. When it comes to myself I am such a control freak I do not like to surrender any of it. Knowledge is power especially with those close to you. They know all and how it will affect you.

Is maintaining a relationship possible in this mind state. Although I can easily converse get along etc I can not tell the truth/root about anything that hurts. Silence Sarcasm and Defiance comes easily. However the way they tell you to solve most problems IE when you say/do ****** I feel****** is so not going to work! One word can throw me all off and its extremely unfair to the person saying it cause I'm not telling exactly whats wrong. So in a way I can't be mad at them so nothing ever gets resolved. Or the emphasis is put on something else that might have pissed me off but not as much as the initial action.

My reasoning behind doing this is to stay safe. If people don't know what hurts you they can not purposely use that information against you. It also keeps you detached and in a way in control of if not your feelings then the way you respond to them.

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